The reason I decided to pursue painting as a career was the cash. The bling bling. The bread. Dead presidents.
I considered tort law, plastic surgery, and organised crime, among other things, as a vehicle to great wealth, but honestly, there is no shortage of those guys. I knew I had to blaze a new path if I was to acheive the huge monetary rewards I craved.
Painting skulls, cars, and robots is what I do. Any high school guidance counselor will tell you that is the fastest way to get rich. As I light my cuban with a wad of hundred dollar bills, I feel thankful that I didn't waste my time at colledge. Whenever I have time to answer my fan mail from the youth of America, I always tell them to stop studying and concentrate instead on artwork or rap music.
Yes indeed, as I stroll the grounds of my palatial estate, I can't help but think that the best source of inspiration is pure, unadulterated greed. So buy one of my paintings; the solid gold horseshoes on my purebred racehorse is looking a bit tarnished.
...