I needed therapy. All this frustration, anger, sadness and introversion issues… I’ve never been good at expressing my feelings with words, or asking for what I need, or saying no before I explode. And so come painting. No words, just images. Me, alone with my images. A perfect match. Even better, it could all be done with oil painting, so I needed turpentine, with that smell that I love so much… maybe it makes me high, who knows. Getting your hands and clothes dirty, listening to the light sound of the brush on a canvas or a piece of wood and submerging myself in the colors and shapes that come to existence in front of me. That’s how I find my pleasure.
It started with painting images of small details, a tree, a rock, a street… daily images that stayed with me because they captured my imagination, made me calm, or frightened me, or brought me back to some cherished memory of a sweet smell, or the wind on my naked body… Windows into a world that was out there but come to live inside me.
Then come “On Humanity”, those abandoned dogs, and cook fights, bull fights, and animals in factories… But it was mainly the abandoned dogs. I’m not really an activist in animal rights; it was just that while living in Asia those bloody abandoned and sick dogs where everywhere. There are so many injustices, pain, death, sickness and poverty in the world that revolt me, but you learn to ignore them, switch off the news, focus on your little life where such horrors are no a daily occurrence; but the abandoned, sick dogs where everywhere, always on my face, reminding me of all that pain that I wanted to brush off, reminding me of my own inner ugly side. So I painted them, to see if in this way I could get rid of my inner scream for humanity horrors. Mostly with undefined backgrounds, because honestly, I can’t figure out how all these pains fit into our lives or how to explain them.
And then come the dreams and the blessings. Because I do sort of hate all this “screaming” art. I don’t want to shock anyone. Or to sicken anyone. Mostly, I really don’t want to sicken myself. I needed to surround myself of positive thinking. I wanted to be blessed, feel blessed, feel loved and love in return. I wanted to feel the caresses of tender, blessing hands that tell me how everything is going to be ok, and how beautiful life can be, and dream of happiness and of heroes that dissipate my fears.
And the blessing come, with the miracle of life. I rediscovered love. Life is now filled with flowers and soft embraces, and with potential for beauty all around me. “About Love” come to be. Even pain can now be beautiful, and bearable, as it is bathed with love.
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